Faithful readers will have noticed that this blog has been slumbering in suspended animation for the past month. Its author has been caught up in one of those life events that sweep us up and away to a previously only imagined fantasy.
For years my grown-up daughter stubbornly overruled me when she consistently refused to accept the flaws she saw in the men she dated. Worried that she would never find anyone who could measure up to the ideal she longed for, I would gently suggest that since no one is perfect, one has to realize that the beloved will never completely make the grade, that sometimes it’s a question of deciding that in view of all the reasons you love him, you’ll be able to live with those attributes you wish he didn’t have.
And then suddenly everything changed.
At the age of 45, she fell wildly and unreservedly into a love that was reciprocated with the same passion. Unlike many of her past companions, the man who would be her husband three years later was someone we could accept without reservation — loving and generous, funny, handsome and — gainfully self-employed!
The cool distance that had separated mother and daughter for years had thawed and shrunk in the past decade as both of us strived to know and accept each other and free ourselves from the painful weight of the past. We became the confidantes and friends we never were before. Though my daughter lives on the West Coast and we are separated by a vast continent, our cell phones and instant messages and pictures kept us in close contact. Thanks to our smart phones, we commented on the fit of a dress, the look of a tablecloth, the view from a venue under consideration. She lovingly shared her options with me when making decisions. We respected each other, valuing each other’s observations and opinions.
I flew out to L.A. a week before the wedding and helped as much as I could. I think what she most appreciated was the time I spent at the laundromat with about three weeks worth of laundry.
When the big day finally arrived, the bride’s vision became a reality — the bridal couple, the ceremony of their making, the music, the flowers, the sunset and the 360º view of downtown L.A.’s cityscape. The joy and the love was palpable. It was felt and shared by all the guests, who were all good friends and immediate family. A day we will not soon forget.